Truthfully, I’m feeling terribly anxious about our ultrasound appointment. My primary concern is the baby’s health. Are the brain, heart, and other vital organs developing properly? Are the limbs forming correctly?
At Levi’s anatomy ultrasound, JB thought he saw something abnormal up on the monitor, and his panic-stricken expression filled me with such fear that I nearly vomited. Thankfully, nothing was wrong with Levi’s development; JB just didn’t understand what he was seeing on the screen.
But there was no doubt in anybody’s mind that we were seeing male genitalia during that ultrasound appointment. The ultrasound technician didn’t even have to announce, “It’s a boy!” As soon as the image of his lower half appeared on the monitor, my heart felt heavy with disappointment: I was not having a girl.
While most expecting mothers won’t admit to wanting one sex over another, I believe that most of us have a secret gender preference. Why else would we repeatedly ask pregnant women whether they’re hoping for a boy or a girl? Because, deep down, we know what gender we’d want if we were having a baby.
Plus, we all have opinions on so many other things — Coke or Pepsi, cats or dogs, iPhone or Droid — how could we not have an opinion on one of the most important details of our lives?
I suffered with feelings of gender disappointment for a long time after my 20-week ultrasound with Levi. There were many tears over many weeks, and I battled painful jealously for months upon learning that friends were pregnant with girls.
Eventually, though, the sadness subsided. And now, of course, I have Levi — and I wouldn’t trade him for the world.
I’ve purposefully been trying to not think about baby #2’s gender for the past 20 weeks, and I have no gut feeling whatsoever whether it’s a boy or girl. Yes, my pregnancy symptoms have been different this time around — for example, I had terrible acne when I was pregnant with Levi but am relatively clear-skinned now — but I know that doesn’t necessarily mean anything.
Just for fun, I took some gender prediction tests online yesterday. According to one Chinese gender predictor, I’m having a boy! But then another revealed I’m having a girl! Hmm…
Wanna place a bet? Do you think I’m having a boy or a girl?
(And, if you’re willing to admit it, I’d love to know whether you also dealt with feelings of gender disappointment during your pregnancy.)