Last chance to place your bets!
Baby #2, due at the end of February, is a…
Did you guess correctly? I didn’t.
No, I thought we were having a girl this time around because my first trimester symptoms were different than when I was pregnant with Levi. For example, instead of feeling queasy and slightly seasick, I had constant stomachaches and more intense nausea. Rather than having an aversion to chicken, I was obsessed with chicken fingers (I even ordered them at the movie theater once!), and I didn’t break out on my chest and upper back like I did with Levi.
Not only did I think I might be carrying a girl, I had really, really hoped it. JB did, too. We both envisioned our family including a daughter.
Upon seeing the baby’s boy parts on the ultrasound, I experienced such sudden and intense feelings of gender disappointment that I sobbed for the duration of the session and then throughout our appointment with my OB/GYN immediately following. Truthfully, I was so despondent I couldn’t even focus on the most important news – our baby was healthy.
I cried in bed, on the couch, and in our backyard hammock for the remainder of the day and most of the next day. It felt like I was in mourning, and in a way, I was. I was mourning the idea of the special mother-daughter relationship I had hoped to have with this child.
So the reason we waited nearly two months for the gender reveal was because we were still processing the information ourselves. It’s taken a long time for me especially to come to terms with the fact that our family – for now – will look different than we had imagined. Never did I think I’d be the mother of boys – or that I’d be the sole female in the house. (Yes, even our dog is a boy!)
Am I grateful and relieved he’s healthy? Absolutely.
(Do I feel a little bit shitty expressing disappointment over the sex of my baby when others I know are dealing with infertility issues? Yes.)
Meanwhile, Levi still doesn’t know he’s going to be a big brother. I know some people think that’s strange. We haven’t told him yet because we didn’t think there was really any benefit to him knowing so early. He’d just be asking about the baby for that many more weeks in advance!
I have no doubt that Levi’s going to be an amazing brother. He loves all babies, from his cousin Max to his friend’s younger siblings. He would have loved a baby sister as much as a baby brother, but I’m hoping one benefit to having another boy is that he and Levi develop a close relationship. I know it’s a not a guarantee with brothers (or even sisters), but I’m crossing my fingers it happens for them.
As for me, I’m actively working on accepting a future of trains, LEGOs, sporting events, and video games instead of dolls, tea parties, dance recitals, and makeup. And who knows, maybe I’ll actually make a better mom to boys than I would have to girls.
The hard part is now trying to come up with a second boy name. We already used our favorite boy name for Levi! So if you have any suggestions for boy names that are definitively male, not super popular, and without any obvious nicknames, I’d love to hear them!
And if you have any tips on raising two boys, I’m listening!
(photos by Hooton Images for Bunny & Dolly)