I was in the midst of a complete meltdown during breakfast on Saturday when I had this realization: Maybe I feel unable to commit to any New Year’s resolutions because I’m already so overwhelmed by my to-do list. With just seven weeks to go before we’re due to meet the newest addition to our family, I feel completely unprepared.
Here are all the things we still need to do:
1. Turn the guest room/office into a guest room/office/nursery by adding the crib, dresser, and glider from Levi’s room, so first I need to…
2. Turn Levi’s nursery into a big boy room. He’ll need a bed (toddler or twin, I haven’t decided yet), nightstand, dresser, and bookcase.
3. Plan the who and where of the bris since we can’t schedule the actual date until the baby is born. (A Jewish baby is circumcised on the 8th day of life.)
4. Decide when we’d like family to visit after the baby. This time around I’m fixated on the idea of coming home from the hospital to a quiet, empty house. Having time alone to bond as a family of four sounds so appealing, although we will need some help juggling the baby’s and Levi’s needs.
However, I’m empathetic to the fact that our family is eager to meet the new baby as soon as possible. Sigh…just another reason why it’s so difficult living thousands of miles away from our loved ones.
5. Choose a name. Our name requirements haven’t changed from when we were naming Levi; we’re still partial to masculine names with no common nicknames. We have some frontrunners but aren’t able to commit to any of them. At least, I’m not. And we’ve reach the point where we’re starting to field (and deflect) name suggestions from family, which only adds to the stress.
6. Shop for baby things. We’re lucky to be borrowing quite a few items from my sister (which my mom has been schlepping from NJ on her visits), but we’ll need to purchase a couple of new things for the baby, including nursery decorations and gear. This time around, however, we don’t have a registry, nor do we want or expect any large gifts from friends and family who were so generous when Levi was born.
7. Research and book a photographer for maternity photos and a newborn session. If we can afford it, I’d love to use the same photographer, but for some reason I haven’t reached out and contacted her yet.
We did cross one thing off the list this weekend: “Tell Levi about the baby.” Crying at the breakfast table, I shared with JB that I felt anxious about spilling the beans. We had waited so long to tell Levi he’s going to be a big brother (mostly because we didn’t think he would care about the news so early on and partly because I have a hard time dealing with other people’s reactions to big news) that the pressure was palpable.
Without asking, JB decided to simply rip off the bandage and tell Levi then and there. No bells, whistles or video cameras. He asked Levi if he’d like a baby of his own like his friend Peter, who recently became a big brother, too. Thankfully, Levi said yes and seemed pleased that he would be getting one next month. Then he asked for more applesauce.
(Levi also suggested we name the baby Applesauce when I asked for his input the next day. I think someone might have a slight obsession with puréed fruit.)
Since our conversation, we’ve been casually mentioning the baby to Levi, and JB even drew the picture above of our family with him. Don’t I look lovely in that brown sack?
In an ideal world, Levi would potty trained and sleeping without his pacifier before the baby arrives, but I’m not sure all that change is possible — or even a good idea — in such a short time. Plus, I still have the aforementioned to-do list to get through.
How did you prepare for the arrival of your second child? Did you feel more or less organized than the first time around? What was the hardest task to accomplish?
We planned for our new baby to sleep in a Pack & Play in our bedroom for the first couple of months. Other than having my husband haul our old baby stuff out of the attic, washing all of the newborn stuff and buying a pack of newborn diapers, I felt very little pressure to prepare for #2. We probably had the advantage of moving into a new house in the first trimester – baby already had a designated room, and we had to make a trip to IKEA to fill the other rooms of the house anyway. My husband pressured me into picking out baby furniture, otherwise I probably wouldn’t have purchased anything until after Bertie was born!
All of the pressure I felt was in preparing Walden for his little brother’s arrival. My husband sprung it on him early, and we read “I’m a Big Brother” several times over the following months. He seemed to like the idea, but I knew that it was going to rock his world. Plus, I wanted to transition to a toddler bed and potty train before the baby’s arrival. The bed was no big deal, but potty training a few months before the due date was a disaster. He and I were so stressed that I vowed to wait until after the baby was born. (And voila! We just put him in underpants and never looked back. Moral: it’s easiest when your kiddo is ready.)
Sending you a big hug and a smile… all you need is love! And maybe diapers 🙂
Thanks, Lynn! I’m beginning to get comfortable with the idea that, since the new baby will be sleeping in our room for the first couple of weeks, perhaps I don’t need to rush on decorating the nursery. And if the nursery can wait, so can Levi’s big boy furniture.
Also, I don’t think potty training is even possible between now and then!
When you were preparing Walden for the new baby, did you get him a baby doll to pretend with?
I intended to get a doll for Walden to practice with, but it never really happened. He became very attached to his Daddy Doll during the deployment and he didn’t really have interest in any other soft toys. We mostly practiced being kind to wooden trains. His room at nursery did have a baby role play area for a while just before Bertie was born. The teachers were really great about teaching the children about babies and talking Walden about being a big brother. We did talk a LOT about his friends with little brothers and sisters. We also talked about how babies cry because they don’t know words, how they’re very small and aren’t able to do things for themselves. How his brother would need mommy and daddy’s help all the time, and sometimes his help, too. Of course, that doesn’t mean he understood that all this meant that he would have to share us so much, but we could sometimes remind him of those things when he would get upset.
Anyway, in short… I think doing some role play with a doll is useful, even if it’s just a favorite stuffed animal. I can’t wait to see Levi as a big brother!!
I have to echo what Lynn said about the potty training. Don’t stress about making any big changes for Levi right now, potty training can wait until you guys are settled and it will be even easier the older he is. Especially if you decide to switch his room/furniture, that may be enough change for now. I like Lynn’s idea of having the baby in a bassinet or pack n play too if it helps ease the stress of getting the room ready (although it’s kind of fun to get the room ready 🙂
Good luck, feel good and sending lots of love your way!
Thank you! I guess I just feel guilty because I did so much pre-planning before Levi was born and the new baby is sort of getting the shaft!
Unless Levi starts admitting to his poops in the very near future, I have a feeling potty training will have to wait until this spring 😉
i wouldn’t do a major change with Levi now before the baby like the pacifier or potty training b/c he is likely to regress. we have friends who tried to get their not even 2 year old potty trained before her sister came (when she was a month shy of 2) but she refused and refused and once the baby was there she was holding in her urine and only going twice a day so finally they relented and realized she was not ready to fully give up being a baby yet. That will come, I wouldn’t worry about it.
Also, Levi is only a little over 2.. did you save any of his newborn stuff that you need to borrow from your sister?
I know pretty much everyone who goes from 1 to 2 has told us it is hard. Harder than going from 2 to 3. It’s such a change learning to share responsibilities and attention for 2 especially when one is more capable than the other. Don’t panic but expect it and then you and JB will find your rhythm within a few weeks of his arrival. Just remember, everything happens for a reason and it will all be ok.
Thanks for the comforting words. The baby will have a place to sleep (in a butt-ugly bassinet in our room) and clothes to wear (hand-me-downs from Levi and his cousin Max). And I guess that’s pretty much all he needs! The pressure to have his room and Levi’s room ready is totally self-imposed. I need to learn to just cut myself a break!
I was due in August, and we didn’t tell Lorelei about her sister-to-be until about June. She turned 2 in May, and we thought there was no point in telling her any earlier because she wouldn’t really understand it and it was way too long for a toddler to have to wait for something. 2 months was plenty long enough. We were fine with our decision, but other people seemed shocked that we hadn’t told her – I remember a springtime speech therapy appointment where our well-meaning therapist made a comment about how I couldn’t lay on the exercise ball that Lorelei wanted me to “because of the baby” and Lorelei looked at her like she had two heads since, at the time, she still referred to HERSELF as a baby. Awkward.
Anyway – kudos to your husband for his ripping-off-the-bandaid approach, but I think the timing was totally appropriate. Hooray for a big checkmark on your to-do list!
We had the same reason for waiting — Levi wouldn’t better understand the changes that will be coming if he learned about the new baby back in September vs. now. In fact, he’d probably understand less! But now that he knows, he likes telling people that a new baby is coming next month. And suggesting to us that we name the baby “Applesauce ABC.”
And that’s pretty much the extent of his interest!
OH – and I think the bed transition will be easier than you think. I agonized, too – and she was so excited about all the changes to her room and being a “big girl” that she took to it like a fish to water. Also, I delayed potty-training because I was worried about doing it pre-baby and then regressing…and now here we are, almost 5 months post-baby, and potty-training is a disaster because I don’t have time to focus on it AND deal with a baby at the same time. If I could do it over, I’d have done potty-training last summer. But that’s probably just me!
Luckily, Levi has yet to climb out of his crib — KNOCK ON WOOD! — so I’m really not in any rush to switch him to a big boy bed. Except that we will need the crib 6-8 weeks or so after the new baby is born. (He will sleep in our room in the beginning.)
I’m not sure there’s ever an ideal time to potty train, although I heard that boys do better if you wait longer. As long as he’s potty trained by 3, right?!