A few weeks ago, I found myself dealing with some pretty intense feelings of jealousy related to blogging. Although we’ve all experienced jealousy at some point, I thought the best people to advise me on overcoming those particular thoughts and emotions were other bloggers. So I reached out to a handful of bloggers I admire for their honesty and thoughtfulness, and I asked them each one simple question: How do you deal with jealousy?
Not surprisingly, their advice on dealing with jealousy could be applied to almost any situation, not just blogging. Their words of wisdom were helpful to me, and I hope they can be to you, too. Here’s what they had to say on the topic:
1. Accept that jealousy is a natural human emotion. We’re evolutionarily hardwired to compare and compete with other humans for resources and survival. But when we try to tamp down envy, it lurks in the back of our minds and acquires even more power over us. Or we add insult to injury by layering self-criticism onto our feelings of inadequacy. So sit with the jealousy, recognize and allow it for what it is, then move on with your day.
2. Mind your own business. In a world saturated with selfies and product placements, the last true luxury is privacy. A deep sense of peace comes from knowing that only the people who have proven worthy of your secrets are the ones to whom you reveal yourself. And I don’t mean secrets as in deep-dark-closet-skeletons, but rather the trials and triumphs of the everyday. The lurch of a near-miss on the freeway, the thrill of staying up late to finish a good book, the quiet satisfaction of eating the same breakfast day in and day out. These are the things no Instagram image can capture, yet they’re what make our time on earth a rich tapestry of emotion and experience. Guard them with your life.” — Anne, The City Sage
“Best way to conquer jealousy is to dig deep and ask yourself why you’re feeling jealous–my jealousy always stems from insecurity. Then make an action plan to do something awesome that will take your focus off of other’s successes and focus on making something yourself that’s fulfilling and challenging.
When I’m feeling bogged down, I delete all social media apps that are contributing to me feeling ungrateful, jealous, or bugged. I take a break. I think we sometimes forget that it’s our choice what and how often we share. If we’re annoyed by Facebook, deactivate. If there’s a blogger who bugs, unfollow. If you’re feeling fake-busy by Instagram, delete it. If you’re sick of blogging, stop blogging.
At the end of the day, we’re in control of our emotions and reactions. Do what you need to do and own it. Never too late to reinvent, change directions, or wrap up a project. If you’re happy with what you’re doing, jealousy will rarely rear its ugly head.” — Koseli, Original Archiving Co.
I’ve found that comparison is the ugly friend that invites jealousy over. The thing is, it is hard to not compare these days when everyone’s life is splattered across 10 screens you have in your home or carry in your bag. For me, it takes a conscious effort to remember and remind myself that many people are only sharing their best or, to be fair, just parts of their lives…so it’s really unfair for me to compare my worsts to others’ bests.
The other thing I think is super important to do is to cheer others on and to find a place in your heart to be genuinely happy for others and their success. You never know what a person has privately been through to get to where they are publicly. When I find myself picking someone or their success apart, it’s usually because there is something in me that is not right, not anything to do with them.
Jealousy can really bring out selfishness. So if you start feeling that way, go and encourage someone or congratulate them on their success. Because, when we get outside of ourselves and think of others, jealousy has no home.” — Trina, La La Lovely
Thank you so much, Anne, Koseli, and Trina! You have given us so much great advice to consider.
Do you have any tricks or tips for dealing with jealousy? What are the circumstances that tend to bring out those negatives feelings? I’d love to start a discussion on envy and jealousy.
PS – Turning jealousy into motivation.
(top image background photo via Daily Mail)