Levi turns 18 months old this weekend. It’s crazy to think that my baby will be a year and a half in just a few days. Now a full-fledged walking and talking toddler, Levi’s non-stop energy, curiosity and eagerness is what led JB and I to tour a local Montessori school yesterday As much as I love spending all day, every day with him, we think it’s time for Levi to take the next step in his development: nursery school.
Wait, I have a confession…
The truth is that I don’t love spending all day, every day with Levi. I love the idea of spending that time with him and I love that I’m able to be his primary caretaker during the day, but I don’t love every minute that we’re together. It’s exhausting. And challenging. Really, really challenging.
Sure, we attend weekly music and Gymboree classes when they’re available, and I try to schedule a playdate or two during the week, but I worry that I’m not providing Levi with enough stimulation. I’m not interested in just keeping him entertained; if that were my priority, I’d plop him in front of the TV to watch back-to-back episodes of “Sesame Street.”
And no, Levi is not lacking in toys. We have blocks and Legos and musical instruments and books and a tunnel and puppets and more. I play with him and I let him play independently. But I think Levi could benefit from more socialization with other children his age and from spending quality time with other adults. (Separation anxiety has been a challenge for us these past couple of months.) More importantly, though, I want Levi to continue gaining confidence and self-esteem as he explores his independence. I never want him to stop learning and growing, and I can only imagine that our basement/playroom is limiting in engaging experiences and mindful activities.
Reason #2
But there’s another reason why JB and I are interested in sending Levi to a part-time nursery school program. Being hands-on with Levi all day means that I only get a break when Levi naps — and I never know if he’s going to sleep for an hour and a half or three hours. If I were a SAHM, I could use Levi’s naptime to do some chores around the house, maybe prep dinner for that evening. However, as a WAHM, I’m at the computer doing my work for the day after I eat my own lunch. (Besides this blog, I’m a regular contributor for Lifetime Moms and guest post on various other blogs.)
So household chores get put off…and off…and off. I don’ t know how other women do it, but I haven’t found enough hours in the day to fulfill all my duties as a mom, a wife and a worker. Sending Levi to school for three hours a day, five days a week would open a window of opportunity for me to be more productive at home.
Why I like Montessori
Before I became a mom, I didn’t give much thought to what type of nursery or preschool my children would attend, and I knew very little about Montessori. But the more I learn about Montessori, the more strongly I feel about following their philosophy:
“It is a view of the child as one who is naturally eager for knowledge and capable of initiating learning in a supportive, thoughtfully prepared learning environment. It is an approach that values the human spirit and the development of the whole child—physical, social, emotional, cognitive.”
What I also like about Montessori is that it’s not simply a daycare. It’s not a large room filled with oversize plastic toys, monitored by adults who are essentially babysitters. Even at the toddler stage, Montessori is a school, with independence being the primary objective. This New York Times article acknowledges that Montessori preschool instruction “has been shown to lead to strong academic achievement” by incorporating “self-control into daily activities.” Besides developing his gross and fine motor skills, Levi would be learning practical life and self-help skills that would serve him outside of the classroom.
So why I am feeling so confused?
At the end of the day, I wonder if sending Levi to nursery school at 18 months old means I’ve failed as a mom (a WAHM, at that) or that I’m a good mom for wanting to expand his horizons. Am I selfish for wanting more time for myself or smart for recognizing I need more time in order to actually accomplish the tasks on my to-do list? Maybe JB and I will regret our decision and pull him out of Montessori. Maybe we’ll realize it’s the best decision we’ve ever made. But we won’t know until we try, right?
Being a parent is hard.
{images of Montessori-inspired spaces via My Home Ideas, How We Montessori, Sew Liberated}
Montessori is terrific, but I think jumping into 5 days a week initially may be a bit much. Since you have the choice, I would suggest trying 3 hours a day MWF to see how it works out for both of you. I do think, however, he is ready for more social interaction. He is very friendly and curious, and I think he will gain a lot from the Montessori experience. Don’t feel guilty. You will both benefit from the time apart, and, if he is unhappy with it, you can always pull him out and try again later.
It took me many months to get over my “mom guilt” and actually enroll Walden in a nursery. I had the same thoughts as you, even as a regular-old SAHM. He was bored with me. I wasn’t able to find enough activities for him with developmentally equal peers. And, frankly, I was losing my mind spending all day with him. That fact made me feel like a huge failure.
While I was able to take care of household stuff during nap times, I never knew if I had 30 minutes or 2 hours to do it. Then I got pregnant and couldn’t stay awake through nap time (if it happened at all!).
I wanted to send him to the Montessori in the area, but ultimately decided that the 1+ hour I would spend in travel to do it wouldn’t maximize the benefits I’d get from it. Luckily we found a fabulous alternative. Walden talks about his friends at school, gets to try new activities and kinds of play, and really thrives from the opportunity to explore his independence. Of course, this is all after the first couple of months of constant colds and sobby drop-offs. And it means he’s learning things I don’t teach him, like “that’s mine!” 🙂
GOOD FOR YOU! I’m so glad you guys are thinking this through and coming up with a solution that is right for your family. It’s SO exhausting running your life according to other people’s ideas and adding to that your own perceptions of how things “should” be… It’s crazy! Being a mom is hard work without that added pressure.
Right now both of my girls are home with me, and it’s working for now. But my goodness… I’m worn out. 3:00am is a normal bedtime, and there is STILL a pile of laundry (clean, thank goodness) in my closet. So a change may be taking place around our house sometime soon as well.
I’m proud of you guys! I know Lev is going to love it and you are going to be a happier mom because of a little focused “down” time.
I’ve been researching Montessori as well. I went to a Montessori school as a child and I believe in their methods, though I have read that there are now two separate Montessori schools of thought. AMS and AMI. AMI is the original. AMS is the “reformed” American way and most schools in America are AMS accredited.
Anyway, the Montessoris in my area don’t allow enrollment until the child is 3 and fully potty trainied, so you’re lucky if you can start Levi this early! My son is almost 10 months now so I have some time to think about it, but I’ll be curious to see how Levi takes to it if you do indeed to enroll him. Keep us updated! 🙂
HI PJ! I found you through the Alt. Summit BHG Dinner list on Twitter.
Anyway, I will be seeing you in a few weeks in Salt Lake City at Alt. so we can say hi face to face .
As for the timing of me landing here on this post tonight, it couldn’t be more perfect. I had this EXACT conversation a little over a year ago when I was considering sending Claire, my youngest and at the time also 18 mo. old, to school. I SO needed a break from the everyday and to get back into my creative life of writing.
We chose a Montessori school that takes kids from 18 months through Grade 8. I did it for the exact same reason you are and I haven’t looked back since. She is thriving because it is so much more than day care as you pointed out. It’s more like her second home. We are fortunate to have one located only 10 minutes away and staffed with the most caring and honest teachers I could hope for. They love their jobs and are all Montessori certified/trained.
Claire is the youngest of three with two older brothers 10 and 7 years old. As of this past fall, they are now going to “her” school too. We decided to pull them out of public and enroll them in Montessori. They too are thrilled and thriving.
We can talk more about this at Alt. if you want. I’d love to chat and share more of our experience.
But I will say this. I have no guilt because after 10 years of being a SAHM I knew I would break down if I didn’t start taking care of myself. Claire is happy. I am happy. Life is good!
xo
Jill
Great post on a very relevant topic for many of us. I guess I’m the odd mom out, as I work outside the home FT. Currently, we use an in-home daycare and it’s been wonderful. The kids are a variety of ages and we really feel that it has helped our daughter with socialization and learning new skills. We are definitely looking towards montessori when she’s ready to transition, which in the KC area is around 2.5 yrs. Most of the montessori schools here wants kids once they are 2 years old or a touch older. I love the montessori concept, and I wasn’t aware of what a previous commentor said about AMI versus AMS. I will have to research that.
I love the photos you selected. I just dream of something like that for our little Lu.
P.S. I get most of my cleaning done when Lu is up and about! I think its good for them to see that a house does not clean itself. She’ll even try to help dust with the swiffer! 🙂
Oh no, you are definitely NOT a failure. We are still half a year behind you, but I have been thinking about the same things recently. If I am so mind-numbingly bored playing with the same toys over and over, how long with it take for the kid to get tired of them as well? And there is certainly something to be said for socialization. A few hours away will be good for BOTH of you. Give it a try. And certainly let us know how it goes. 🙂
I have been meaning to comment on this post but keep forgetting (or am on my phone)! I feel the same way about having Sky at home…keeping him entertained and stimulated can be a challenge. He goes to my mom-in-law’s 2-3x per week and she does lots of activities with him but I’m wondering if I should start him in some sort of pre-school over the summer while I’m on maternity leave….I’m worried I will lose my mind! I don’t have exposure to Montessori directly but always thought it sounded cool. 🙂
I have three kids and the best decision I ever made was sending them to preschool. I didn’t choose Montessori because I wanted my kids in a Jewish school, but I toured the Montessori preschool and loved it. Being a stay at home mom is really, really hard- and that is for people who are good at it! Lol! You should feel exactly zero guilt about sending Levi off to a place that can give him things you cant. Love is exponential, not finite; the more people that love Levi the better. I think each person we meet in our life has something to teach us, so by introducing your son to a place that will only benefit him is the best thing you can do for him. Good luck and I look forward to meeting you at Alt Summit (which is how I found your blog).
Thanks doll,
The Glamorous Housewife