This weekend Levi grabbed the lower shelf of our coffee table, bent one leg and put his foot flat on the floor. My heart starting to pound. Was he was about to pull himself up for the first time? I suddenly felt queasy. In denial of what I was possibly about to witness, I quickly repositioned my son on his bum.
“Levi, sit down!”
Wait, what? Aren’t moms supposed to encourage their children’s developmental milestones?
God, I’m a terrible mother.
Before I was dreading the day the Levi pulled himself up, I was dreading the day he learned how to crawl. Mommy friends had told me that everything changes once your baby is mobile, and I didn’t want everything to change just yet. Imagining Levi crawling led to thoughts of him walking and then running and then becoming a little boy, and I wasn’t ready for him to do all of those things. Two months later, I’m still not ready.
But if Levi wasn’t meeting his milestones at the appropriate times, I’d be very concerned. I want my son to be on a healthy developmental path. So, I’m conflicted in my emotions. Watching him transition from my little burrito baby to a big boy is so bittersweet. I still can’t believe that he’s almost 10 months old. Double digits! Time has passed so quickly yet it feels like forever ago that he was a tiny newborn. I’ve even been putting off planning his first birthday party because I’m feeling anxious about him growing up.
When I thought that Levi was on the verge of crawling, I began avoiding playing with him on the floor. Instead I would make up reasons why I should put him in his jumperoo or in his exersaucer. If he had to be on the ground, I tried to keep him in a sitting position while we interacted. Now I’m using the same tactics to keep him from pulling himself up into a standing position.
Why am I so afraid for my son to grow up? How do I get over this?