A Girl Named PJ

What’s the best age difference between kids?

July 11, 2013

My younger sister and I are three years apart. Three years and one day, to be exact.

Growing up, the majority of my friends were either three years younger or three years older than their sibling. (The majority of them also had just one sibling.) So I always thought a three year age difference between siblings was standard. Standard and practical — that way, only one child would be in diapers at a time.

When my husband and I first started talking about having children, I expressed an interest in becoming a family of five. Although my sister and I are close now, there were times when we didn’t get along. If there were three instead of two of us, there always would’ve been somebody else to turn to during conflicts.

Plus, three’s a party! A fun mix of personalities!

As we pondered our future family, I realized I’d have to rethink my three-year-age-difference philosophy if we were going to have three kids. Would I really want to deal with maternity clothing and leaky breastfeeding boobies over the span of six (or more) years?

But if we were to have three kids who were each two years apart, I’d have to get pregnant every 14 months. I had barely reclaimed my post-pregnancy body when Levi was 14 months old. Would I be willing to give it up again so soon after getting it back…twice?

When Levi was one, I spied two pregnant moms at Gymboree supervising boys around the same age as Levi. At the time, I couldn’t imagine chasing a one-year-old Levi while visibly pregnant with another baby. But is a two year age difference (or less!) between kids the new normal? It seems that more and more parents are choosing to have babies two years apart (or less!) rather than three.

Perhaps families are favoring a two year age difference because many woman are getting pregnant “later in life” (in their 30s instead of their 20s — so old!) and therefore have a shorter window of time to make babies. Or maybe they just want their children to be close in age. But at what cost to mom’s sanity (and figure)?

What do you think is the ideal age difference between children?

P.S. – Do you want to know what Levi is not getting for his second birthday tomorrow? A baby brother or sister!

P.P.S. – What’s the best age to become a mom?

(Photos of Jora Vess from Domestic Reflections and her adorable children taken by Kim of 180360. These insanely gorgeous images make my uterus ache for two more babies.)

Levi’s last day of school

July 10, 2013

(photo of Levi sliding down a toddler-sized slide at a neighborhood playground)

Today is Levi’s last day of school. School’s not out for summer. It’s actually his last day at his current Montessori school. I’m pulling him out. He’ll begin a new Montessori program at a different location next week.

I feel guilty about taking Levi away from the teachers and classmates he’s gotten to know and like these past five months. I also feel guilty because Levi is thriving at school. But I’m not pulling him out of his current school because I’m disappointed with his Montessori education. I’m pulling him out because I’m disappointed with the administration.

In early May, I sent the following email to the administrative assistant, asking her to forward to it the appropriate contact person:

I appreciate that there is a jungle gym, swings, a sandbox, and a backyard available to the kids, and I know that the teachers do their best to keep their eyes on everybody. However, with the toddlers and primary students running around at the same time, it gets a bit hectic out there!

In the five minutes I was in the backyard this morning to pick up my son, I saw an older kid near the jungle gym sprawled flat on his back, a toddler girl hit with a ball, and Levi fall down a concrete stair while following two older boys (who know how to use stairs!).

I’m not necessarily sure what the solution is — fewer kids on the playground at once? more teachers outside? (I know that 1 of the 3 teachers in Levi’s classroom will go on a lunch break at that time.)

I thought I would bring my concern to your attention because another mother confided in me that she shares the same concern. Yes, I know that kids will be kids, and that we can’t shield them from everything, but I do wonder if there’s a way to make the backyard a little bit safer for them to enjoy.

Though enraged from what I witnessed on the playground, I thought I handled myself professionally and was anxious to receive a response from somebody in the office acknowledging my concerns.

I didn’t receive a follow-up email or a phone call that day.

Only the toddlers were in the backyard at pick-up time the next day. Even the teachers commented on how much less chaotic it was in the backyard. Although the children were safer, I was fuming because my concerns were never acknowledged by the staff. At that moment, I couldn’t think of anything more unprofessional than ignoring the concerns of a parent who pays for their child to attend that school.

A couple of days later I did end up meeting with the liaison between the teachers and the administration to discuss my email. However, I found her too agreeable during our chat, too willing to consent to the safety issues I brought up, including the fact that the jungle gym was too big for toddlers. It felt like lip service.

In the following weeks, I became hyperaware of potential safety problems. My frustration levels with the lack of attention paid to maintaining the facility was rapidly rising. When the door fell off Levi’s beloved play kitchen, it took days for his teacher to address the problem — only after I brought her a screwdriver from home. She ended up popping the screw through the wooden door, which wouldn’t normally be a big deal except that the kitchen’s still out of commission…two months later. Why doesn’t the school have a handyman on call? Or a toolbox?

I had to listen to my gut rather than my heart.

We found another Montessori with newer facilities and two separate outdoor play areas, including a toddler-sized space with sandboxes and age-appropriate Fisher-Price slides. The icing on top? The cost of admission will be nearly $200 cheaper a month.

(Yes, I did ask how they could afford to charge so much less than his current school while maintaining their standards and felt comfortable with their answer.)

I still feel guilty about making Levi say goodbye to his teachers and friends, but I have to follow my maternal instincts. My son’s safety comes first. I also wonder if maybe I’m more worried about my ability to transition than Levi’s. After all, two year olds are quite adaptable. Thirty-somethings, on the other hand…

The Dolly Half-Dozen

July 5, 2013

The Dolly Half-Dozen offers six tasty treats to nourish, inform, and entertain. On today’s menu…

1. Nine delicious ways to top a sausage (via A Cup of Jo)

2. The surprising (and smart!) reason why Lego minifigures have a hole in their head

3. How to make your own bubbles and bubble wands

4. Try this loving kindness mediation to rid your mind of jealousy, anger, or resentment (image via Paperblog)

5. The faces kids make when having sunscreen applied

6. A week-long manicure: No UV lamp required

Have a happy weekend!

Desktop Designs: Wallpaper for your devices

July 3, 2013

I returned home from Alt Summit SLC in January feeling motivated. Inspired by the panels I attended and the participants I met, I left Salt Lake City with a can-do attitude about blogging and some extra pep in my step. With a little bit of direction, I actually believed I could find my place in the blogosphere and make Bunny & Dolly bigger and better.

Naturally, I had hoped that Alt Summit NYC would be equally motivating. Instead, I left feeling somewhat discouraged, my head full of questions:

Why haven’t I had my “aha moment” like the creatives and entrepreneurs who addressed the group?
Why haven’t I found my calling like Kathleen of Tate’s Bake Shop, Bob of McClure’s Pickles, or Stephanie of Coral & Tusk?
Why haven’t I discovered my passion like Jen of BRIKA?

I shared my frustrations with my dad when he picked me up from the train station in New Jersey. I vented to him that I felt lost, unsure how to get to where I want to end up on this blogging journey — perhaps not even sure where I want to go. That despite my hard work, I still wasn’t the success I hoped I’d be. (Remember, I started blogging way back in 2007!)

I suggested that my readership numbers have dipped because my content isn’t interesting or informative enough. That I don’t know the right people who can help me promote my work. That maybe I should throw in the towel and start something new.

On the verge of tears, I looked over at my dad in the driver’s seat hoping for encouragement, but instead of feeling sympathetic towards my crisis, he was also feeling frustrated — frustrated with me. You see, I have a history of feeling like a failure, and he was tired of listening to me mope. Tired of me talking about giving up.

“Many of life’s failures are experienced by people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.” – Thomas Edison

It’s now hard for me to remember exactly what was said during our conversation because it became quite heated, but the gist of it was that I have to sit down and create a plan of action — and then I have to follow it though. I have to reach out to the people who can help me or offer me some direction. Basically, I have to hustle.

Truthfully, I thought I was hustling. It’s not like I have a whole lot of extra time on my hands. I’m not sitting at home twiddling my thumbs (or doing laundry). I’m writing. And writing. And doing research and editing photos and writing some more.

“Good things happen to those who hustle.” – Anais Nin

But maybe I’m not doing the blogger hustle. At Alt SLC, Jenny Komenda of Little Green Notebook was asked how she, along with panelists Camille Styles and Merrilee Liddiard of Mer Mag, found success (and subsequent fame). Her honest response: “You have to hustle.” If you don’t write that proposal or reach out to that brand or put yourself out there, somebody else will.

I’d like to add this: I imagine that having resources like time and money to invest in your blog helps a lot. But if you don’t believe in yourself or your brand, nobody else will. And that’s what I’m currently struggling with the most.

“Everyday I’m hustlin’.” – Rick Ross

This month’s desktop wallpaper by the talented (and super patient!) Mariah is a reminder that every day I’ve gotta hustle. But I also need to take some time to reevaluate why I’m blogging in the first place. What is my personal mission and vision? What is the purpose of this blog?

I’ve recently updated my About Page to better communicate my blogging goals with you. It’s a work in progress, and I’d love your feedback. For instance, when reading it, what do you understand Bunny & Dolly’s mission to be?

Now hustle!

Download this month’s desktop wallpaper here!

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Desktop Designs is an on-going collaboration between Bunny & Dolly and Oh, What Love. Click here to view all past desktop wallpapers.