One of the reasons I started Bunny & Dolly was to share the honest, sometimes uncomfortable thoughts and feeling I had about being pregnant. I couldn’t related to other blogs that told sugar-coated tales about becoming a first time mom. That just wasn’t the experience I was having, and I knew that other moms-to-be must have felt the same.
I’ve tried to continue to portray my transition into motherhood with the same transparency. With that in mind, I have a confession to make.
I’m not happy.
Actually, it’s not that black and white. It’s not that I’m unhappy. I have an awesome baby, a supportive husband and a generally well-behaved dog, among other positive and good things in my life. But I feel weighed down by stress and worry thoughts to the point that I feel distracted and a little bit sad.
Some of the things on my mind?
- What if Operation Chubbs doesn’t work? What if Levi isn’t gaining weight because of a serious medical condition?
- Having a full-time job is exhausting, but I don’t think I’d have the energy to be a SAHM either.
- How will I be able to juggle all of my responsibilities when JB deploys again?
- I wish I lived closer to my family.
- I’m concerned that the dog no longer likes the baby. Like, really concerned.
- Will the postpartum-related bald patch near my hairline be there forever?
- I’m tired of feeling tired.
- I don’t eat enough fruit. OK, I don’t eat any fruit. I need to start eating fruit.
- When do working moms find time to go to the gym?
- Should I be making friends with more new moms and scheduling play dates for Levi? I want to meet new moms, but I just don’t have time!
When I feel overwhelmed like this I tend to hold everything inside. I choose not to share my feelings with friends and family. Sometimes I don’t even want to talk about them with JB. But I know that venting can be beneficial, so I’m giving it a shot. Also, I want you, my readers, to know that my life is far from perfect and probably–hopefully–a lot like yours.
Of course, if you can solve any of my problems or provide answers to any of my questions, I’m listening!