One of the reasons I started Bunny & Dolly was to share the honest, sometimes uncomfortable thoughts and feeling I had about being pregnant. I couldn’t related to other blogs that told sugar-coated tales about becoming a first time mom. That just wasn’t the experience I was having, and I knew that other moms-to-be must have felt the same.
I’ve tried to continue to portray my transition into motherhood with the same transparency. With that in mind, I have a confession to make.
I’m not happy.
Actually, it’s not that black and white. It’s not that I’m unhappy. I have an awesome baby, a supportive husband and a generally well-behaved dog, among other positive and good things in my life. But I feel weighed down by stress and worry thoughts to the point that I feel distracted and a little bit sad.
Some of the things on my mind?
- What if Operation Chubbs doesn’t work? What if Levi isn’t gaining weight because of a serious medical condition?
- Having a full-time job is exhausting, but I don’t think I’d have the energy to be a SAHM either.
- How will I be able to juggle all of my responsibilities when JB deploys again?
- I wish I lived closer to my family.
- I’m concerned that the dog no longer likes the baby. Like, really concerned.
- Will the postpartum-related bald patch near my hairline be there forever?
- I’m tired of feeling tired.
- I don’t eat enough fruit. OK, I don’t eat any fruit. I need to start eating fruit.
- When do working moms find time to go to the gym?
- Should I be making friends with more new moms and scheduling play dates for Levi? I want to meet new moms, but I just don’t have time!
When I feel overwhelmed like this I tend to hold everything inside. I choose not to share my feelings with friends and family. Sometimes I don’t even want to talk about them with JB. But I know that venting can be beneficial, so I’m giving it a shot. Also, I want you, my readers, to know that my life is far from perfect and probably–hopefully–a lot like yours.
Of course, if you can solve any of my problems or provide answers to any of my questions, I’m listening!
I love you.
xoxo
I can pretty much answer and relate to almost every question up there, even the bald spot (and, no, it won’t be there forever!). I know time is precious, but we seriously NEED to get us and the babies together for a play date/venting session, ’cause I’ve been there my friend. I’m going to message you my number on FB! 🙂
Got your number! Expect a text from me 🙂
Even in perfect circumstances being a new mom is overwhelming! I have no real answers for you but am always available for advice or to vent! Playdates are perfect for venting and getting support. It is the one thing I really try and schedule. It’s beneficial for me and baby! They don’t have to be long events. We keep playdates to about an hour. Email me if you want to try and schedule one! You are not alone PJ!
Thanks, Erin! We should have a play day. Knowing that they only last about an hour is oddly reassuring to me. Like, yeah, I can find time for that!
Thank you for posting, PJ! I can say I have often had many of the thoughts that you’ve listed above. Although I’d add that I often worry about the choices we’re making as new parents as well as I constantly battle feeling guilty about not wanting to work but knowing that I would not enjoy being a SAHM in any way. I do think I can help with the “not having time to go to the gym”… my husband designed a few 10 minute routines for me that are full workouts. I can’t say I always have the energy to do them, but at the very least I can’t use the excuse I didn’t have time, especially since they don’t require any equipment.
Thank you again for putting into words what I imagine a LOT of new moms are feeling!
You’re welcome! Thanks for leaving a comment. I totally relate to not wanting to work but also not wanting to be a SAHM. It’s a tricky situation, that’s for sure.
I’ve felt just about everything on your list from the bald spot, to the dog. I think it comes with the territory. I hate to tell you, but even if you figured out everything on your list, another list will take it’s place! Take a deep breath, try to figure out the things you have some control over right now and I’m sure, in time, you will figure out the rest.
It’s sad but true–we’re always going to stress or worry about something. Glad to know I’m not alone 🙂
I don’t even have a child, or house or husband and I get overwhelmed with things so I can only imagine what you’re going through, but I know how strong you are too. Concentrate on what you accomplished in a day, not the things you didn’t. Don’t look at a full sink or a lot of laundry that needs done, look at what you were able to finish. and each day things will get done. The important things will get done, work, take care of the baby eat and sleep, if that’s all that you do today, you did great. And when the hubby is deployed again ask for help! I’m sure there are lots of friends you have right now that would always help in any situation, if only to watch the baby so you can get some sleep or a few hours to yourself. I wish I was there and I could help in that respect. So give yourself a gold star for today and put up your feet and enjoy your baby!
Thanks for the gold star, Shanny! I definitely overlook the little things I accomplish each day, like getting dressed. Oh wait… did I get dressed today?
You’re not alone!
In no particular order, some solutions/co-angst:
-My local Y offers free child care for family memberships. I got a pass for a week to try it out and—can I just say?—having an hour to myself is freaking huge. I think this may actually motivate me to work out regularly.
-We have only been in LA for a little over a year, so my social circle is small as it is, but not having mom friends has been hard. Finally I turned to the internet and found a few Meetup groups for moms in my area as well as a Mommy and Me group at a local birth center. I wouldn’t say I have a posse, but I actually am meeting (and liking) other moms, which is something.
-My family is far away too and it sucks.
-I love my dog but there are days when I feel like I cannot give him what he needs and feel like a terrible person.
-My baby has a lumpy head and I freak out about helmets.
-99.9% awesome babies, dogs and husbands make us lucky, lucky, lucky people. Who cares if we’re not getting enough fruit?
It’s such a relief to know that other new moms feel the same way! I belong to a gym that offers cheap childcare and know of a couple of mommy play groups, but my problem is time. Since I work full time, when do I get my hour of me time? When do I meet up with other moms?
Love the comment about fruit.
I don’t know how I missed this yesterday! You are not at all alone in how you feel. Motherhood is hard work, and you don’t get quarterly performance reviews with constructive feedback of your strengths (which may not be obvious to you) and areas requiring improvement. I was really floored by how isolating being a new mom is. How many things there are to question, wondering if you’re getting it right. I hope this gets better… But I can’t say from experience that being far from family gets any easier.
Oh, and I locked me, the baby and the dog out of the house today. So…. there I’ll be days. X
You nailed it — being a new mom is definitely isolating. Even knowing other new moms, I still feel alone. Although I’m sure I’d feel less alone if I connected more with those new moms 😉
Hope you didn’t have to spend too much time locked outside the house today.
Looks like there are many of us all in the same boat! I have friends who use the Y’s free daycare for exercise–they love it. My exercise is breastfeeding and taking the baby and dog on a walk once a day. 🙂
My husband started his MBA two months after the baby was born last summer. I’m basically a single mom during each semester. I now just take the baby everywhere with me.
Yes, playdates are good. And, they’re usually short, so it’s not too big a time commitment.
I hate having to work full time. If I could work just four days a week, that would feel more balanced. Oh well.
I didn’t realize I could count breastfeeding as a form as exercise! Nice, now I don’t feel so guilty 😉
Wouldn’t it be great it the work week was just 4 days long? Imagine how much more productive we’d all be at work and at home…
I have a lot of empathy. It’s actually hard to know what to say because I have been so low the past couple of days. I started welling with tears every time I saw mommy friends walking their babies yesterday because i was feeling so isolated! They say part-time moms are happiest–makes sense. Hard to find that balance otherwise. I completely melted down this am and Aron came home from work and sent me out. So much better. I think I need to make some of that “me” time more of a priority. It’s tough because I also don’t want to miss out on time with Aron or as a threesome, but I needed a break. Anyway, I feel like everyday is a roller coaster and I hope your days have more ups than downs. Xo
I really appreciate your comment, Ashley, and I’m sorry you’re having a rough couple of days. Every day is a roller coaster, that’s for sure. Tonight I started sobbing after Levi spit up on himself after nursing. Thankfully, JB was in the room when it happened and cleaned Levi up, letting me hide out in our bed until I calmed down. Today was a down day, for sure — hopefully tomorrow picks up for both of us.
You are not alone, PJ! Let me know if you want to do lunch one day if you can get away! Considering Levi and Kori are 2 weeks apart, I think we would have a lot to talk about!
Thanks, Lisa! I would love that.
I just want to tell you my story about my children. Both of my kids were in the 2nd percentile forever. My daughter only weighed 18 lbs when she turned one. Like you my drs told me to put cream and butter in everything they ate and to feed them crazy things like cheetos. I chose not to do that as I could see that my kids were thriving and this is just there body makeup. I have two happy and healthy children that are 2 and 4 and a 2 month old who will probably be the same. Keep your head up and dont let your Drs make you feel bad.