Advice for a new mom of two

MJ from Pars Caeli is taking over the blog today so I can get some sleep and possibly shower while the baby naps! 

Dear Mom of Two,

Well done! And welcome to life with two bundles of joy. Heartfelt congratulations on your growing family and your hard work to get you right where you are now.

I’m not one to throw out a ton of advice, and even if I were, we both know you have no time to read it. So, let’s keep it simple, sister, and let me share with you three tidbits that helped me with my toughest parenting transition.

1. Celebrate the new normal

Remember when you could put your child down for a nap or tuck her in for the night and let out the big exhale? Well, times have changed and, for now, you’re on for two people who need you a whole lot for a whole lot of time. Your down time has been squished and sandwiched. Give yourself a break, and take the time away when you can, and embrace the time together, even if you’re both crying.

Likely, for at least a short time, you’ll feel more tired and more impatient than you ever expected. And if you’re not, well then there’s another reason to celebrate. Watch your two littles observe one another. Where you can, help them watch the newness wear off as a larger family is created.

2. Rejoice in all you know… and all you have to learn

This is your second time around, and you will never have that moment again of questioning how will you get the onesie on over your infant’s head (or maybe that was just me). You have your own momma groove of how to hold a baby while taking on world domination.

But also, you’re likely to feel like an uncomfortable freshman again, wondering why your learning from child #1 isn’t always helpful with this new little being and his/her variety of quirks. And to this, I say, laugh at yourself – often. No one knows the inner secrets of this new human. Or how strange your firstborn might act in hopes of getting some extra attention his way as he adjust to this sibling.

Embrace your role as an active learner. You’re modeling exactly what you’d hope your children would be.

3. There is no time (or reason) for guilt

A few months ago, you may have scoffed at the mother who let her young daughter play on her phone while she caught a few moments of quiet. You may have judged your neighbor who is always pushing his son into play dates. Maybe even the family who spends too much time watching TV.

Well, fact is, friend, you just might need to fall on some of these helpers yourself. And, when used wisely, there is nothing wrong with any of these activities.

And more importantly, there is no room to feel guilty about these adjustments you’re making in your parenting style.

Remember that this is not forever. And that my kids have all learned incredible animal facts from watching “Wild Kratts” on PBS Kids. And spending time on playdates has opened their eyes to how others live, and, dare I say, made them more empathetic.

Don’t feel weird about asking for help, even if it’s from your remote control.

Get some sleep and shower when you can. And enjoy having another person to love.

xoxo, MJ