Yesterday morning I said goodbye to my very best friend here in Omaha. She and her husband, toddler son and dog moved back East to live near family. While I’m devastated that they left, I completely understand their motivation for going, and I even hope that JB, Levi, Briscoe and I can do the same soon.
I probably didn’t tell her often enough that I consider her one of my best friends. We threw around the adjectives “good” and “close” a lot, but she really was the best friend I had here. We met five years ago, shortly after she and her husband (then her fiancé) relocated to Omaha for his job. I had only been in Omaha for two months, having also moved here because of my fiancé’s job, and the four of us were “set up” by members of the Jewish community. Matchmaker, matchmaker…
She quickly became “my person” — you know, the one friend on whom you can always rely. I can’t even count the number of times she drove us to the airport or ran an errand for me when I was tied up with the baby or fed me dinner when JB was deployed. I slept at her house when we had a carbon monoxide scare and when I couldn’t figure out why the alarm system was going off while I was home alone. She was even in the waiting room with my parents (having just picked up my dad at the airport) while Levi was being born and loaned us practically all of the clothing Levi wore this past year.
My Omaha feels different already. It’s quiet and empty. I know that she and I will always be close but long-distance friendships are hard. Ask any of my faraway friends, the ones who live in New York and Connecticut and Washington, D.C., and they’ll tell you that I’m terrible at staying in touch. For some reason, calling somebody who lives across the country on their cell phone feels different than calling somebody locally on their land line–especially to a person like me with an aversion to talking on the phone. I know we’ll still chat, but it won’t be the same as when I knew that on the other end of the receiver, she was a mere two miles away. And no longer living seven minutes apart, we’ll now have to see each other via FaceTime on our iPhones. And, hopefully, the occasional visit.
There is something familiar about the sadness and loneliness that I’m already experiencing. I have felt these same emotions when JB deployed, when I was left behind at home while he was off on a new adventure. Although I had known the date of my friends’ departure for weeks, I was suffering from a serious case of denial. Neither the “For Sale” sign on their lawn nor their garage sale nor packed boxes made their move feel real. I was at their house when they packed up the car to head for the airport, and it wasn’t until our final goodbye hug that reality set in: I was being left behind. And then I cried.
The next couple of weeks are going to be difficult. In order to not feel so lonely I will have to stay busy (a coping mechanism I learned from being a military wife). Luckily there are many happy occasions on the horizon that will keep me occupied, including Levi’s first birthday on Thursday and his party on the 22nd. We have lots of family coming to town to celebrate, so I’ll have my hands full with them. The chaos surrounding his special day will be stressful but also a welcomed distraction, I’m sure.
I’m not sure how to end this tearjerker of a blog post without making it even sappier, so I’ll just throw it over to you: Have you had to deal with a friend moving away? What are some of your tips for maintaining a long-distance friendship?
{photo taken July 10, 2012}
What a tribute to your friend’s family! Your words had my eyes filling with tears. You are gifted with expressing yourself in print. A good friendship is a two way investment and I know that they cared and counted on you as much as you did them. I to have grown very fond of them and will miss them as well.
More often than not, expressing my feelings (happy or sad ones) in person makes me very uncomfortable. Vulnerable, perhaps? Writing them down feels safer.
I was the one that moved away 3 years ago and it was so hard. My husband and I moved to DC a month before we got married so that he could go to school there. 3 months in, I was miserable and lonely. I met a girl at work and we instantly hit it off. She pretty much saved me at my lowest point. We then both became pregnant at the same time and when she was on bed rest her last two months, I was on the couch with her every day. We had our babies 2 weeks apart. When our kids were 7 months old, i had to move back to NJ bc my husband got a job in Philly. We make sure to get together about 5 times a year….we are only 2 hrs apart, but life gets in the way sometimes – we both now have 2 children. She is still “my person, ” and I don’t know how I would have survived without her!!
I think it’s wonderful that you manage to get together 5 times a year! It must also be so special that your kids are so close in age. Thanks for sharing your story!
As usual, you have your finger on the pulse of what is going on in my household. Next weekend I am flying out to Chicago to visit my best friend. When I graduated from graduate school in Chicago and moved back to NJ, I cried driving through the entire state of Indiana (where my BFF is from). Even though I don’t get to see her often, (and with both of us with little ones, we don’t get to talk on the phone that often) we make the most of what time we have. She was still my MOH at my wedding, she was still waiting for me at home when I came home with my baby (she flew in that day), and I am still flying out for her birthday next weekend. No, we don’t get to talk that often, but I know when we see each other it will be just like I see her every day. We are lucky that we get to have such good friends that we value so much.
I think the best feeling in the world is to be able to pick up right where you left off with a friend despite not being able to talk or see each other very often. Thank you for sharing!